Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
