Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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