I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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