I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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