in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
