i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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