Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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