dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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