How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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