Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
