Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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