then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
