Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
