I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
