Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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