How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He passed out mid-signature
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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