Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
