vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
