my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
