I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
