so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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