how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
