We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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