do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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