umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
