I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
