gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
