Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
