im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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