then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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