I want to have your abortion
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
