You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
