her vagina looked like bernie madoff
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
