what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
