i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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