no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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