i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My life is pants optional.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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