weddingsv make me drug and hornr
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
