i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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