It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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