1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
