Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
