No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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