Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
