Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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