dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
