Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
