I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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