I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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