im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think my moral compass just broke
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
