i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
