Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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