i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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